Collections of E-mail Blasts (Latest at the bottom)

1st February 2012 – 13th February 2012



"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana" – 1st February 2012


I have no idea what the phrase means, but it was quoted by Groucho Marx.


Before you start saying, “Groucho Marx, the communist???”, no, no, no! That’s Karl Marx, and not related to Groucho!


Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977) was an American comedian and film star famed as a master of wit. His rapid-fire delivery of innuendo-laden patter earned him many admirers. He made 13 feature films with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born.


Why on earth am I quoting him? I have no idea, except there’s “banana” in the phrase, and I am just about to touch on the apparent shortage of banana leaves in the country that has led to one Banana Leaf restaurant to start serving banana leaf rice on green papers that are supposed to be bio-degradable.


According to the restaurant owner, first there’s a shortage of banana leaves and second, it is just too cumbersome to clean the banana leaves if they have them. Man, these restaurants are getting lazier and lazier. It is not like the banana leaves (when available) are extremely dirty, and someone actually send a letter to the editor of a local broadside and wrote that in India “each customer is given a cup of water and its sprinkled on the leaf. This is then shrugged off the leaf or wiped off it by the customer”.


I have to admit that whenever I do get the chance to have some banana leaf rice, I never thought much about the cleanliness of the banana leaves. I suspect most people don’t either. But most of the time, the leaves do look clean. And what is banana leaf rice without banana leaf!!! That’s like eating fish and chips at those small take-away outlets in England and having the fish and chips in polystyrene containers instead of old newspapers!!! It’s just not the same!


Very soon, we won’t even find Nasi Lemak wrapped in banana leaves anymore!!! What a shame!!


In the meantime, to the surprise of a lot of people, Perkasa, the Malay-centric (or Malay racist to some people) NGO, hosted a Chinese New Year do. But they obviously don’t understand the Chinese custom. They gave “ang pows” in white packets instead of the normal red packet. Some netizens are already mocking them for the “faux pas”, as white packets are normally used at funerals!!! Maybe Perkasa was burying itself!!!


Across the causeway, a “kiasu” academician from the island state wants to lay claim on the Chinese New Year tradition of “yee sang” by listing it as “an intangible cultural heritage of Singapore”. Typical, isn’t it? But seriously, Singapore has a cultural heritage??? Do these people even know the meaning of “cultural heritage”?


The Klang Hokkien Association president said it is just illogical! The custom of eating “yee sang” is a Cantonese custom, and Singaporean Chinese are mainly Teochew and Hokkien.


Let’s face it, Singapore is just a place without much soul, and so are the people. Anything they can claim to be theirs, they will. If they could claim Malaysia as theirs, they would! Want to claim Proton as your National Car? Please do!!! You guys can even replace the logo with the Merlion head!


Talking about Proton, it looks very likely that DRB-Hicom will be putting their own men in Proton to run the company. That has always been DRB-Hicom’s modus operandi. That way they can pay peanuts to their guys, who are normally very loyal to the group! There’s already a lot of grumbling about DRB-Hicom muscling in on as many companies as they can. Next to go will be KTM (the National Rail Company). And like I said before, very soon Petronas, and Syed Mokhtar will finally get to become the richest man in the world!!! Greedy bastard!!! Eat my golf balls!!!


“Greed has taken the whole universe, and nobody is worried about their soul.” - Little Richard


“Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction.” - Erich Fromm


“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed” -  Mahatma Gandhi


Why on why is this happening again? Dr Mahathir made the mistake before by putting his trust in a small group of Bumiputra entrepreneurs to lead the Bumiputras into the business world. A few of them were good entrepreneurs but greed got the better of them!


Now, everything is given to one man!!! I supposed that’s what you get when you have the support of the “kurang ajar” Deputy Prime Minister!!! Maybe he wants to counter the power and money of the Empress Dowager!!!


I have already vowed that if I ever see the idiot again playing golf at KLGCC without a booking, I am going to hit a few golf balls at his direction. And I am a hard hitter!!! How many golfers can hit their seven woods 200 yards?


He is the only VIP who had the cheek to play without a booking!! Even the PM and the King and Queen do not do that here!!!


“As we saw in the Queen's Speech, anti-social behaviour - a phenomenon that I believe to be a genuine worry that is also being fed by a lot of scare stories - is the political theme of the moment.” - Kamal Ahmed


“If there were a clear prospect that such evils were part of a barbarian past, then at least we might find a small crumb of comfort. No such prospect exists: no scientific analysis can even remotely answer or account for past and present horrors of human behaviour.” - Simon Conway Morris


“What I've learnt - to my cost - on several occasions in my life, is that people will put up with all manner of bad behaviour so long as you're giving them what they want. They'll laugh and get into it and enjoy the anecdotes and the craziness and the mayhem as long as you're doing your job well, but the minute you're not, you're fucked. They'll wipe their hands of you without a second glance.” - Russell Brand


On the legal front, an Editor from the Star is arguing against mandatory sentences, like in drug offences, murder and serious traffic offences. His argument is simple. Since these offences already have jail provision in law, why tie the hands of judges. He is right, mandatory sentences only make the judges’ jobs easier. They don’t really have to think about sentencing once they have decided on the verdict. Sentencing is about the completion of the system. When the completion has already been decided, why worry!  


The whole idea of having a judge is not only to decide on the verdict based on the evidence presented but also to decide on the appropriate sentence. A simple analogy would be football matches. No doubt the rules have already be made where certain offences are to be “yellow carded” and some are to be “red carded”, but if you look at rules, there’s such a thing as “intentional foul”.  Now, how do you decide whether a foul is intentional? By looking at the way the foul was committed. That is no easy, but it is the job of the referee, nevertheless. The same apply to judges.


People commit crimes not because they are born to commit crimes. There’s always mitigating circumstances. But mandatory sentences means mitigating circumstances are moot.


For instance, someone love sodomizing because he was sodomized when he was in boarding school. Though he enjoyed the experience and then got addicted to it does not mean he can do it at will because under the current “archaic” law, sodomy is an offence. Therefore if he is accused of sodomy, and there is sufficient proof, then he is to be sentenced to the appropriate punishment. If there is not enough proof, then he is to be acquitted. Simple!!!  Of course we never had such a case in Malaysia!!!


Judges are appointed not only based on their legal experiences and knowledge, but also because they possess the character to understand human failings and thus able to mete out the right punishment for the offences committed.


I have met a lot of judges in my life, and most of the time on the golf courses. And we golfers know that if you want to know the real character of a person, play golf with him. The majority of judges I met have met are real decent people, who are not out to punish people just for the fun of it. Of course you also see the other side of them too! But in almost all instances, they do admit that it is hard being judges, and they are also being judged, and a lot of time very unfairly!

Well, Your Honour, there is a phrase that goes, “You can’t have the cake and eat it too”.


On the corporate side, Axiata has been punished by the investors lately (the shares shed 1.7% yesterday) for asking for extension from the Securities Commission for time needed to secure approval for its outdoor structures, which was a condition for its listing on the Main Market. Now, the approval for the structures are given by the local authorities, and there are many. For those who have had the unfortunate experience of dealing with local authorities, you would know that it is hell!! Unless you know someone in the local authority or someone who knows someone in the local authority, or someone who knows someone who knows someone in the local authority, it is going to take forever. Of course, a lot of the time, the processing time miraculously becomes shorter when a certain “incentive payment” is made!


In the meantime, Mark Mobius, the pied piper of emerging markets or the Yul Brynner of Wall Street is recommending Indonesia, Thailand and Vietnam as the investment destination for 2012. The man is interesting and his talks are greatly anticipated whenever he attends one of those market conferences in Asia. Mr Mobius is German by descent but American born. He then gave up his American citizenship and took up German citizenship, and now lives in Singapore and Malaysia (Johor).


Every analyst in Malaysia tries to follow him, but none has achieved his success! Why? Because they are analysts! Being good at analysing does not necessarily make you a good investor. When an analyst recommends me anything, the first thing I ask is, “How many shares have you bought?”. Mr Mobius don’t only analyse, he puts his money where his mouth is! That’s a man with balls, and a bald head! Like me, he he!!!


Anyway, while many of us are enjoying the Federal Territory Day today, and not having to work, and the other half of the Klang Valley population having to work, let’s not forget that these anomalies (in public holidays) in Malaysia are greatly contributing to the low productivity of the country!


"la vache a revenir à la maison" - 3rd February 2012


Most KLites would know how annoying it is when Selangor is having a public holiday, and we are working in KL. Not because we have to work but because everyone in Selangor will drive to KL and throng the shopping malls in KL. These Selangorians are very smart. They drive into KL after everyone has gone to work, but they will only leave the shopping centres to go home right at the time we are leaving our offices to go home or to get drunk at the pubs. Why? Because, one, they are a bunch of sadomasochists, and two, they want to gloat to us KLites that they didn’t have to work on that day! So the roads become twice as congested, and I am proven right that Malaysians love being stuck in traffic jams.


On Wednesday, when KLites were having a day off due to Federal Territory Day, I decided to take the opportunity to get my revenge over the Selangorians! So at 2 pm, I set off to PJ. It took me just 10 minutes to reach the Federal Highway exit near PJ Hilton. After the exit there was a long jam to Section 14. From there I drove to Digital Mall, and went up to the multi-storey car park next to the mall. As soon as I entered the car park, there was a massive jam inside.

Now, the plan was to stay in Digital Mall, try every new gadget there, and go home at 5.15 when the Selangorians start leaving their offices. But being stuck in an exhaust-smoke-filled multi-storey car park made me change my mind. So I decided to get out from the car park, as it was just not worth my time though I needed to pick up something from the mall. Vengeance just does not pay, not in this instance anyway!


“Vengeance is not the point; change is. But the trouble is that in most people's minds the thought of victory and the thought of punishing the enemy coincide.” - Barbara Deming


“Nothing is more costly, nothing is more sterile, than vengeance” - Winston Churchill


Malaysian motorists have never failed to annoy me. Every time a Malaysian steps into a car, his IQ drops by half. It is worse for motorcyclists, their IQ’s drop by 90%! The other day I was on the road next to Bangsar Village 2 just before the car park exit. There was a yellow box right in front of the exit, and since there was a traffic jam, I stopped just before the box to allow the cars coming out of the car park to turn out onto the other side which was clear of traffic. Six cars passed me, five were luxurious models, not a single driver raised his hand to say thank you! One or two even looked at me in disdain! What’s wrong with these people? I could excuse them if they are young and lacked the proper upbringing! But these are middle-aged drivers! I supposed “courtesy” does not exist in their vocabularies! And because there are families in the cars, their children will most likely follow their examples when they are old enough to drive! Shame on all of you! Eat my golf balls!!


“Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated.” - Jean Baudrillard


“The car has become the carapace, the protective and aggressive shell, of urban and suburban man.” - Marshall McLuhan


“Consider the man on horseback, and I have been a man on horseback for most of my life.  Well, mostly he is a good man, but there is a change in him as soon as he mounts.  Every man on horseback is an arrogant man, however gentle he may be on foot.  The man in the automobile is one thousand times as dangerous.  I tell you, it will engender absolute selfishness in mankind if the driving of automobiles becomes common.  It will breed violence on a scale never seen before.  It will mark the end of the family as we know it, the three or four generations living happily in one home.  It will destroy the sense of neighbourhood and the true sense of Nation.  It will create giantized (sic) cankers of cities, false opulence of suburbs, ruinized (sic) countryside, and unhealthy conglomerations of specialized farming and manufacturing.  It will make every man a tyrant.” - R.A. Lafferty


As I have written before, by 2020, there will be more cars than human in the Klang Valley, when there will be 7 million cars and the population of only 5.4 million!!! All hell will break lose when half the Klang Valley population is off work and the other half is at work!!!


In the meantime, the Cow Minister will be back from leave and will resume her ministerial duties on Monday. Apparently she is coming back from her second “umrah” (minor pilgrimage to Mecca) in as many months! She must have must have been so distressed that she has to perform the umrah twice!! Hello, haven’t God given you enough messages already? What are you expecting? God to drop a big boulder on your head before you get it?


Apparently a member of the cabinet asked her point-blank at her last cabinet meeting before her leave, when is she resigning? She said she did not receive any instruction from Ah Jib Gor to resign. What??? You cannot expect a boss with no back-bones and balls to tell you to resign. Just resign, bitch!


In the corporate world, the Takeovers and Mergers Committee of the Securities Commission has decided to go against the recommendation of the management of the SC that Sime Darby undertakes a General Offer (GO) of Eastern & Oriental (E&O). I don’t know who the members of the committee are, but the decision has definitely caused a lot of rumblings! What makes it worse is the fact that the rationale for the decision is not being published! Hmmmm, talk about transparency!


First, the husband of the SC Chairman got away with what seemed like “insider trading” on his purchase of E&O, now this! How good it is to be the husband of the SC Chairman! Your wife is the chief regulator of the market, and you are on the board of directors of numerous listed company!


Only a few days ago I bumped into the husband of the Central Bank Governor, and he told me that he is happily retired. The husband of the governor is happily retired, and the husband of the SC chairman is busy buying shares of companies being regulated by the wife. I supposed the phrase “conflict of interest” does not mean anything to them! This is as bad as the Cow Family!!!


In the meantime, a corporate figure who had to be rescued in the 1990’s with a government loan for failing to complete the monorail project is now going to be rich by RM420 million due to his company owning 3.5 million shares in Facebook, which is about to be listed in New York. Hmm, what happened to that loan, by the way?? Was it a soft loan???


Tenaga Nasional Bhd (National Power) is going to lose its CEO soon. Che Khalib whose contract ends in June 2012 has decided that he does not want to be considered for renewal. I am not surprised. After 7 years of doing probably the toughest job in the GLC, and getting paid peanuts, he’s had enough. What a shame! In my opinion, he’s one of the few decent CEOs in the GLCs!!


And at Proton, it looks like its former CEO, the controversial Tengku Mahaleel may be back, this time as chairman. That is going to raise a lot of eyebrows, but it is also a message from the old man, Dr Mahathir, that he is still very much influential, at least when it comes to Proton. He was pretty upset when Mahaleel was removed by the then chairman of Proton, Datuk Azlan Hashim (my ex-boss).


On the political front, PAS’ continued silence on Mat Bontot’s remark on protecting Israel is really telling. Apparently PAS don’t want to upset Mat Bontot!!! What??? So, compromise your Islamic principles so as not to insult your political partner??? Which is more important, religion or political party??? I am right after all. PAS has sold their soul to the devil!!!


Meanwhile another scheme for cronies is about to be implemented. Last week I saw a very short report in the papers where the Ministry of Health denied that the government has decided on the implementation of the 1Care scheme. Under the scheme 10% of your salary will be deducted every month. You will be assigned a doctor (which you cannot choose), which you can then only see 6 times a year! On each visit you can only get treated for 1 ailment. I didn’t take the report seriously as it sounded too silly. Then I went to see my doctor, and she told me that the Association of General Practitioners have been told about the implementation without being consulted first.


Now, what does such a scheme mean?


First, companies no longer need to pay for employees’ outpatient treatments. Two, a company belonging to a crony will be appointed to manage the scheme!


Courtesy of the RM500 subsidy for those earning below RM3,000, the government now has the records of people with earnings below RM3,000, which it didn’t have before as these people don’t pay income tax.


A person with a RM2,000 salary will now have RM2,400 deducted a year. He goes to the doctor 6 times a year, with average cost of RM60 per visit (according to my doctor), so RM360 goes to the doctor. What happens to the other RM2,040?


RM500 goes back to the government for the earlier subsidy, and the other RM1,540 goes to the crony! Ten percent goes to the Empress  Dowager. With 12 million employees, that’s RM1.848 billion in the first year alone! Man, oh man, looks like the Empress Dowager don’t need Syed Mokhtar to buy over Birkin from Hermes!


What a stupid scheme! Eat my golf balls!!!


Malaysia probably is the cheapest place to get medical treatment. There are private clinics everywhere. Every housing estate would have at least two. Some are open 24 hours a day! Most people can afford the treatments. And you can chose which ever clinic you want. I don’t want a doctor that I have never met in my life assigned to me. I am very comfortable with my current GP, thank you very much.


So what is the bloody point of the whole scheme, other than making some crony rich?


Is it going to help with the health of the population?


You even already have 1Malaysia clinics to cater to the lower income group! Of course no crony made money from that!!


“I might be in favour of national healthcare if it required all Democrats to get their heads examined.” - Ann Coulter


Does the Minister of Health need his head examined? Definitely!!!


What would the Health Ministry come up soon, 1Bomoh!!!


Coniecturalem artem esse medicinam


An online campaign against 1Care has already started on Facebook, taknak1care!! I am quite sure a signature campaign will follow suit, and I am definitely putting my signature to it!


On the international front, a 74 year old Taiwanese man died after he accidentally swallowed his dentures during sex with a 62 year old prostitute!!! That certainly give a different perspective to the phrase about prostitution being the oldest profession! Life must be really tough in Taiwan nowadays that a 62 year old woman has to turn to prostitution to make a living. As to the man, let that be a lesson to my male friends. Take off your dentures when having sex!!!


Passe un bon week-end


“Pink Jambu” – 6th February 2012

It looks like the Cow Minister has not lost her fiery spirit!


The two umrah trips must have given her new found strength!


Now, she is attacking her main detractor, one Rafizi Ramli, the Strategic Director of PKR, as a “Jambu Boy”. To those who do not understand Malay, “jambu” is guava. But it is also a slang for beautiful, and if it applied to male, it also means “effeminate”, and “merah jambu” is “pink”.


I don’t know much about En Rafizi, other than that he is young and a qualified accountant. He was also involved in a public debate in London with Khairi Jamaludin (the son-in-law of the former Prime Minister, Abdullah Badawi), and the UMNO Youth Head. Of course, KJ, has had his fair share of controversies, and now desperately trying to shore up his image amongst the Malaysian public. According to a write up by the alternative online paper, Rafizi was the winner during the debate. I have not seen it (apparently it is on Youtube), but since the writer of the article seems to have a leaning towards the opposition (unlike me, who whack everybody!), I am not going to comment on the debate. In any case, public debates between politicians don’t interest me much. They are nothing more than an ego trip for the politicians!


Now those who have gone to boarding school like me, being a “Jambu Boy” can be a pain, as there are every chance of you being bullied (sexually) in boarding school. In fact the current unelected head of PKR was himself a “Jambu Boy” in boarding school. Apparently that’s how he got the taste of anal sex, and became addicted to it!


Now, the Cow Minister said that she will be sending a baju kurung (female Malay traditional dress) to the Jambu Boy! Ouchhh!! She said, “…he will look good in it”. Double ouch!!!


In response, the Jambu Boy has said, “I will accept the gift graciously and gently place it in a wooden box and wait for an opportune moment to bury it along with Barisan Nasional”.




Now, we have heard of “Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned”, but we are going to see soon “Hell hath no fury as a jambu boy scorned”!


Well, whatever the Jambu Boy does, just watch your back. Your unelected leader must be watching it very closely, and we don’t want another “Saiful Case”. We are growing tired of it!


In the meantime, the expelled PAS member, Datuk Dr Hassan Ali, has told his audience at a political rally that if the Opposition wins the next general elections, Malaysia will be sold to Singapore! I have heard about this theory many times in the past, and it never failed to amuse me. The Star writer “who looks like me, but is not me” (now, where did I hear that before?), tweeted about it, and quite a number of people re-tweeted in response to the tweet. I must say some of the re-tweets are so funny that I almost fell off my chair reading them!


Some of the re-tweets:


“We get to shop at Orchard Road with our ringgit”, “We also get SIA’s Singapore Girls”, “And sarong party girls, Bugis Street girls/guys” and “Malaysia will have 2 F1 events and 3 casinos”.


The good doctor certainly knows how to attract attention!


But seriously, why would Singapore want to “buy” Malaysia? It will only cause more headaches for them. Sure, we have oil, but that won’t last long!


But I must admit it would be good for us to “buy” Singapore. After all, according to the Tourism Ministry’s website, arrivals from Singapore leads all other countries at 13 million! With a population of only 5.1 million, that’s a lot of trips to Malaysia! Indonesia, with a population of 239.9 million, only has 2.5 million visiting Malaysia. Of course we are not taking into account the migrant workers from Indonesia, which may triple the arrival number, but still small for such a large country. And if Singapore is part of Malaysia, perhaps the Royal Malaysian Police will finally get to collect the millions in traffic fines outstanding from Singapore motorists. But then, maybe not when they can’t even collect the fines from Malaysian motorists!! 


In my weekly commentaries, I commented on the headline in the Star last Saturday about the difficulty that parents are having to face when it comes to taking care of the young children. A few cases of infant death in nurseries and the freeze on Indonesian maids have certainly created a crisis for working parents.


I supposed this is the price we are paying for development. People are becoming too busy making money that the roles of parenting have been relegated to nurseries and maids. How many times we have seen families in shopping centres and restaurants with maids in tow? And when the children misbehaved or needed attention, the parents just seem oblivious and it is up to the maids to handle the children!


Sometimes I wonder why people have children in the first place. Just a status symbol? To go with the LV bags and nice cars and nice houses.


“Having children makes one no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” – Michael Levine


In the US, the First Lady accepted a push-up challenge from talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres on her talk-show. The First Lady also revealed some bedroom secrets regarding her husband, the president!


You will never see such a thing in Malaysia, of course. Trust me, you don’t want to see the Empress Dowager performing a push-up on a talk show or talking about her husband’s bedroom secrets! The image of her in leather and whipping her husband is just too much!!!


In the meantime, Malaysia has gained another bad reputation in the world of illicit drugs! Apparently syabu (crystal meth) smuggled through Malaysia has been acknowledged as the “highest quality” drug in the world! Known as syabu madu (honey syabu) in Indonesia, it has become a favourite of drug users there! Malaysia is used as a transit point before it is smuggled into Indonesia. It is strange that the country with the most severe punishments in the world for drug trafficking is being used as a transit point. Just goes to show once again that while we have all the laws in the world, enforcement is severely lacking! Which brings me again to Malaysian motorists.


We have seen how blatant Malaysia motorist are when it comes to breaking traffic laws! And why not? No one is going to arrest them! And if they are issued with traffic fines, they can get away not paying!


Between 2001 and 2004, uncollected traffic fines were as high as RM2.82 billion!


In 2006, it was reported that the then Minister of Works, Samy Vellu, had RM17,460 (143 summonses) of unsettled fines, the then Minister Human Resource, Fong Chan Onn  had RM15,230 (115) of unsettled fines and the then Minster of Foreign Affairs, Syed Hamid Albar had RM15,200 (121) of unsettled fines. A total of 24 Cabinet Ministers (including the then Deputy Prime Minister and the current Prime Minister) had outstanding traffic fines!! Eat my golf balls!!!


So how do you expect Malaysian motorists to pay their fines when the Ministers themselves don’t!!!


For the record, I have always paid my traffic fines!


The other day a friend sent me a caption, that says, “If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to get selfish, ignorant leaders”. It was said by George Carlin, an American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist, actor and writer/author, who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.


How true that is for Malaysia!!!


Over the weekend, the Star Business reported about the whooping amount that will be spent on the MRT extension. The cost has ballooned because a bigger part of the line will now be built underground, and that will be a lot more expensive than building above ground. And why suddenly build underground and incur more costs? Because selfish Malaysians that live along the route are against the line being built near their homes! Selfish buggers!!!


Malaysians just won’t sacrifice when it comes to public amenities!!! And yet they complain all the times about the traffic jams!!! Eat my golf balls!!!


As many Hindus will be doing a lot of personal sacrifice tomorrow during Thaipusam, ask yourselves, what sacrifices have you made for the country!!


“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” - John F. Kennedy


“Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.” – John F. Kennedy


Une semaine productive.


Parlez Vous Anglais? – 8th February 2012

I believe most of you know what the above phrase means?


Apparently students in a higher learning institute in the Klang Valley are using djinns (genies) to help them to get high scores in English exams!


The spirits can be obtained from a bomoh (traditional healer) for RM350 per djinn! The djinns are wrapped in betel leaf charms.


“It does not matter if others believe in it or not. But for my friends and I, the results proved it is effective” said one of the students, as reported by Harian Metro, a local Malay tabloid.


The student further elaborated, “It’s easy to use as it does not involve any chant or ritual. We just put it in our pockets when entering the examination hall.”


Apparently at least 50 students have bought the charm from the bomoh!


Man, oh man!!!


“Don't cleanse yourself with dung or with bones for that is the food of your brothers from amongst the Djinn”. - Hadith - Tirmidhi #350


“I have only created djinns and men, that they may serve Me” – Surah Dhariyat Verse 56, Al Quran


Lucky my English was good when I was a student 30 years ago!! Otherwise I would have had to resort to such a method! I have to thank my late dad for that, by making sure that there were only English newspapers at home when I was a wee boy, and I started reading the cartoons in the NST when I was only 5!


In the meantime, PAS Youth has started its yearly campaign against Valentine’s Day! Their argument is that Valentine’s Day encourages immoral activities, and therefore against Islamic teachings! I don’t know how they deduced that immoral activities increase during Valentine’s Day. But I supposed when you want to justify something that you feel is immoral and against religious teachings, you don’t need facts!


Most people don’t even know what Valentine’s Day is all about, other than it is a day to celebrate love. In fact, even though it is a Christian celebration to honour a Christian martyr, Saint Valentine,  which was first established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, and was later deleted from the General Roman Calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI, Christians don’t consider it as a religious celebration.


So what is it about celebrating love that is against religious teaching, PAS Youth???


So, it is okay to support a sexual deviant who is also an apologist for Israel, but celebrating love is forbidden???


And now even the Indonesian Ulamaks (Religious Authorities) are angry with the idiot for supporting Israel. Of course he now clarifies it by saying that the support is conditional! A bit too late for that, isn’t it???


So, whilst Muslim youths are spending more time on illicit drugs, and Muslims have the highest divorce rate in the country, you have nothing better to do than campaign against a silly celebration of love? What have you guys done to educate Muslim youths about the dangers of illicit drugs and unwanted pregnancies, which are also rampant amongst Muslims youths?


So your time is better spent campaigning against Valentine’s Day, against Elton John, against Adam Lambert, but you support a sick deviant man as your pop idol????


Bunch of wankers!!! Eat my golf balls!!!


You guys are just as stupid as the bank robbers that broke into a bank in Kota Kinabalu in the middle of the night and got away with RM20 in loose change!!! Hello, banks don’t keep their money lying around at night!!! They have safes!!! Duh!!!


You want to rob a bank, you do it in broad daylight wearing your grandmothers’ stockings and with guns blazing!!! Never watched TV ar???


In the world of royalty, another princess has shown that not all members of the 9 royal families are wasting public money. The granddaughter of the Sultan of Perak has published her own collection of English poems. The 19 year old princess launched an 86 page hardcover of 39 poems before setting off for Australia to pursue her studies in performing arts. Well done YM Raja Emina Aliyyah Raja Ashman Shah! Extende ad astra!


In the corporate world, it looks like Genii Capital, the owner of Lotus Formula One team, may be interested in  buying the loss-making Lotus from Proton. Now that Mahathir seems to be giving his blessings to Proton to get rid of Lotus, that may be a good way for Proton to recover back the millions that Proton have pumped into Lotus.


I just don’t see how Lotus can really bring Proton to the next level, if that is what DRB-Hicom wants to do. In any case DRB-Hicom already has established a close partnership with Volkswagen. And Volkswagen has a better chance of resuscitating Proton. Not that they should!!!


In the meantime there seems to be a lot of debates about the plan by EPF to lend money to the government to fund the purchase of low-cost Citi Hall flats for the low income group, so much so that there will be a public debate between the Federal Territory Minister with PKR. I really don’t know what the fuss is all about. I don’t know the details of the scheme, but if EPF can get good returns from the government for the loan, why not? After all, the dividends for contributors haven’t been great, and EPF have had to look overseas to invest our hard-earned savings. The loan is after all guaranteed, and it is to help the poor! And it’s not for free.


EPF has become so big that it is now one of the largest pension fund in the world! Apparently the Public Service Union is against EPF using the money for the purchase of low cost housing, which they are not doing. It is a loan, to be repaid, with reasonable interest, by the borrowers. Isn’t that earnings for the EPF, and thus us, the contributors! If the interest is anything above the current dividend rate, I say go for it! It is rather selfish of the union to go against it, but that’s Malaysian for you. Malaysians are a bunch of selfish people!!!


“As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision.” - Helen Keller


“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.


“Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness.” - Napoleon Hill


Bonum commune communitatis


Wot, no jobs? – 10th February 2012

“One million jobs go a-begging”, screamed the headlines on the front page of the NST on Thursday, 9th February!


According to the Statistics Department, about 12 million people were in the workforce and 384,000 (I supposed that includes me) were jobless up to November last year.


Yet the Malaysian Employers Federation (MEF) said that despite the low unemployment rate of 3.1%, 1 million jobs have yet to be filled!


I decided to check the website of the Statistics Department to see whether the 12 million includes foreign workers. No mention of nationalities. But since the terminology used is “labour force”, that normally would mean that the number includes foreign workers.


Based on the article from the website of the Human Resources Ministry, there was 1.9 million foreign workers in Malaysia in 2009. Assuming the figure is still the same, the Malaysia labour force of Malaysian citizens is only 10.1 million, about 35.6% of the population. However to calculate the  “labour force participation rate (LFPR)”, you have to use the “working-age population”. Since the Statistics Department also states that the LFPR is 63.4, the working-age population of Malaysia is only 17 million out of 28.4 million, or 60%. Don’t try to calculate this, as the LFPR includes foreign workers. When you compare the 60% of the population being in the “working-age” category to other developed nations, this is quite low! Why, simple, because of the low retirement age in Malaysia!


For examples, in Australia, it is 72.4%, Canada 71.5%, Germany 71.2%, Japan 70.1%, New Zealand 72.3%, Norway 75.4%, Switzerland 78.6%, United Kingdom 70.3%, and United States 66.7%. The total for OECD countries is 64.6%, but this is because the rate is brought down by countries like Spain, at 59.4%, Turkey 46.3%, Poland 59.3%, Hungary 55.4%,


How on earth does Malaysia expects to increase productivity when only 60% of its population is considered as of working-age?


Not only employers are not able to fill up 1 million jobs, but the working-age is short! Plus the attitude of the new generation who has not had to endure sufferings that their parents and grandparents have had to endure to earn a living! Recently I was told by a businessman running a research and development company who had problems getting newly graduated engineers. He interviewed one very smart young new graduate. The graduate turned down his offer of a job because his parents already give him RM1,200 monthly allowance plus a car! RM1,200 tax free!!! Without having to work!!! He offered the young man RM2,000!!


I only have this to say to the parents. Eat my golf balls!! You are contributing to the reliance of this country on foreign labour!!!


With 1.9 million foreign workers, we are looking at 15.8% of the labour force being foreign! Do I need to say more???


And I will bet my arse (except to Anwar!), that Talent Corp does not know this!!!


In the United Arab Emirates, 81% of the population are foreigners. Malaysia will get there within 25 years if nothing is seriously done!!!


There are four sectors in Malaysia where foreign workers are allowed; Manufacturing, Plantation, Construction and Service (Restaurants, Cleaning & Cargo Handling at seaports and airports). Temporary employment for foreign workers are also allowed in Welfare Homes, Laundry, Golf Clubs and Island Resorts (except Penang).


The other day my business partner complained about the hygiene of Chinese restaurants during the Chinese New Year when she attended a few CNY dinners. Why? Because most of the workers are foreign who, unfortunately are not too particular about hygiene. On top of that she had problems ordering the food as the waiters don’t speak Chinese!


Imagine that! Going to Chinese restaurants in Malaysia and you can’t order in Chinese!!!


In the meantime, the Cow Minister was “quizzed” by the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) on Wednesday. She said that “she came to be interviewed as the wife of the corporation’s (NFC) executive chairman”! She is trying to say that as a wife, she has no clue what the family is doing running the cow business. She is a Minister, and as a Minister, she is not supposed to know what her family is up to! Even though her husband and all three children are involved in the same business!!! Oooooooo!!!


So what do you talk about during dinner??? Can’t talk about restaurants, since the family business owns two restaurants. Can’t talk about work, because everyone in the family (except the wife) works in the same company. Can’t talk about government decision, because that would be in breach of the Official Secrets Act. Can’t talk about the property market because the family company owns a few super-expensive condos and that’s part of the business of cow farming.


Ah, they can talk about Paris Hilton!!!


And the PKR has claimed that the Cow Family owns another two condos in Singapore valued at RM34.9 million!!!


And what was the response of the Cow Family??? “…it would need time to respond to.”


Why do you need time? Is it true, or is it not true? Is it that difficult to establish? You guys are so f*****g rich and have so many condos, that you don’t know whether you actually own the two condos in Singapore??? Or you are going to spend another RM1.7 million on another PR spokesman who will then try to bribe the police???


Have you guys heard of the phrase “Digging your own grave”?


On the stupid political front, PAS has “urged all quarters not to make Valentine’s Day a “sinful gratification” date”. I thought Pas is the one that is making the date “sinful”?


For the record, I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, because, one,  it has been severely exploited commercially. Why on earth would I want to pay RM30 for a stalk of rose?  Two, if you love someone, you show your love every day, not just one day in a year! It is so superficial!!


Neither would I spend money going to “buka puasa” (breaking of fast) at hotels during Ramadan. Why would I want to pay or let someone pay RM100 when I will only eat food worth less than RM15! I eat very little when I break my fast. I only need some fruits, drinks and cigarettes!! That’s why every year I lose almost 10kg during Ramadan!!!


As expected the EPF has clarified about the low cost housing loan, which was politicised as usual by the political parties before even knowing the details!!! Stupid wankers!!! (The political parties, I mean. Not you Tan Sri Azlan Zainol)


The MCA Young Professionals Bureau chairman has also advised graduates that their degrees should be seen more as a stepping stone, not a guarantee for jobs! He should be telling the parents too!!! These are the ones that pressure their kids to get “good degrees”, but never tell them that degrees don’t mean shit in the real world.


In the 23 years of corporate life, I can say that out of 100 local graduates, less than 10 will meet my standards for employment. For the foreign graduates, it would be 30 out of 100. Why? They have no clue what is really required to be employed!!!


I still remember a local graduate in Finance that I had interviewed almost 20 years ago. I asked him why he wanted to join the stock exchange? His response; his sister worked in a stockbroking company and told him that it would be good to work with the stock exchange!!! Eat my golf balls!!!


On the broadcasting front, a policy directive to ensure certain types of popular content, such as live sports, is not bought on an exclusive basis by any television station in the country, is expected to be issued soon.


Hmm, that’s going to kill Astro!!! Sell Astro shares!!! Ooops, they have already been de-listed!


To me, this directive is nothing more than an attempt to help a GLC, a company now owned by an UMNO crony and a company owned by crony of the highest order. Go figure it out which three companies I am referring to!


Bursa Malaysia, in the meantime recorded the highest volume in five years, with 4.39 billion shares traded., the second highest on record. Which just shows that it does not matter who runs the Exchange, the trading volume is beyond his/her control! You can just shake your legs and watch the market go when investors are in bullish mood! Now running the operations (which I used to do) is a different ball game all together. First you have to make sure there’s no system glitches. Two, you have to make sure there’s enough funds for settlement. These two are enough to drive you crazy!!! That’s why you need a “non-stop fault-tolerant” system that can handle 4 million trades a day and a bank line of RM2 billion a day!


Now you know why I am happy to be out of there!!!


On the blogsphere, the exiled blogger, Raja Petra, has implicated two PKR assemblymen in Selangor in a sand-mining scandal. And they still say that PKR is clean! Yea, right!!!! They are all cut from the same cloth!


RPK has even published transcripts of alleged phone conversation between one of the assemblymen and a “well-heeled” contractor!


Before publishing his allegations, RPK had also said that one Datuk Patrick Wong was murdered due to his gathering of evidence on the scandal. The police did confirm that the case is classified as murder and the case has not been closed though it was reported that the Datuk died due to a robbery attempt in 2009.


“We've seen the hubris. And now we're seeing the scandals.” - David R. Gergen


“As so often happens with Washington scandals, it isn't the original scandal that gets people in the most trouble - it's the attempted cover-up.” - Tom Petri


Let’s hope that if the allegations are true, PKR will not try to cover it up!


In the meantime, Penang has apparently become a gamblers heaven! Maybe the gambling syndicates think that the DAP led government will be soft on them!!


“Gambling is a disease of barbarians superficially civilized.” - Dean Inge


“The subject of gambling is all encompassing.  It combines man's natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future.” - Franz Rosenthal


Passe un bon week-end!


cineri gloria cera est – 13th February 2012

Glory paid to ashes come too late.


Another star, another tragedy!


What a sad tale for another singer who not only wowed us with her beauty but also her soaring voice. She was “The Voice”, and her songs were the companions of those in love and those out of love. The songs that remind us that love is the cure of our heartaches but also the cause of our heartaches.


She continued the tradition of soaring voices of Black American singers, like her cousin, the great Aretha Franklin. With the advent of pop videos, she became the icon to singers like Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera and now Adele. Soaring voices and beautiful lyrics. Voices that test the extend of the lungs and lyrics that soothe the aching hearts!


Despite her songs that espouse great love, she felt in love with a man who did  not appreciate her beauty and love and instead turned into an abusive husband, turning her into a cowering woman who turned to drugs as her solace.


Despite the sufferings she remained married to him, until 2007, when she finally found the courage to break free. She was married to Bobbi Brown for 15 years!!


How many times have we heard of women, so talented, yet trapped in abusive marriages, not having the courage to break free from the shackle of continuous abuse, physically and emotionally.


“Well, I went through some emotionally abusive relationships and allowed myself to not be properly respected as a lady, as a human being even, though I tried everything I knew to be a lady.” - Gloria Gaynor ( Who does not know her song, “I Will Survive”?)


“Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return. It is estimated that approximately 3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported each year in the United States.” – Dianne Feinstein


“I saw a guy being really abusive to his girlfriend. She was asking people to help, but no one would. When he grabbed her, I tried to separate them, but he turned on me. I punched him and knocked him down. It wasn't a scandal; I was just doing what anybody should.” - Timothy Hutton


I have to admit that I have always been unkind when it comes to women and love. The words, “Women are suckers for love!” always come out easily out of me. Yet I understood the pain, and the heartache. Hard that I was with my many female friends that have endured some form of abuse from their husbands or ex-husbands, I never failed to be there for them whenever I can. Because I understand how complex the mind is when it comes to the matters of the heart. Despite the best of upbringing and education, somehow the mind just has no real logic or reasoning when it comes to love.


So, to Whitney Houston, equiescat in pace.


In the local front, it looks like another political debate is about to take place between two Chinese strongmen, Chua Soi Lek and Lim Guan Eng. Like I have said before, a political debate does not achieve anything. It is more of an exercise of ego boosting!


“A politician's goal is always to manipulate public debate. I think there are some politicians with higher goals. But all of them get corrupted by power.” - Dean Koontz


“Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.” - Jay Leno


And now Lim Guan Eng is claiming that the title of the debate has been changed without his knowledge! The title is more important than the debate??? Duh!!! Eat my golf balls!!!


He said that he did not know that the topic has been changed to “The Future of Malaysian Chinese”, and that “It is not acceptable to talk about the Chinese community only, as DAP is all for Malaysians”. Really??? DAP is for all Malaysians??? Right??? And MCA is for all Malaysians, UMNO is for all Malaysians, MIC is for all Malaysians and PAS is for all Malaysians!!!


“After believing in promises made and never fulfilled by Labour, people have become increasingly disenchanted with the process assuming that all politicians will say anything to gain power, and then never follow through.” - Adam Rickitt


“All politicians should have 3 hats - one to throw into the ring, one to talk through, and one to pull rabbits out of if elected.” - Carl Sandburg


And the DAP’ election publicity chief has referred to journalists as “prostitutes”! Ahem, I think that term is more applicable to politicians!!!


“Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff?” – Tina Fey


“The introduction of religious passion into politics is the end of honest politics, and the introduction of politics into religion is the prostitution of true religion” - Lord Hailsham


And in Kedah the partner of DAP, PKR has been accused by several Chinese representatives in Kedah for requesting that “they surrender to them about 30% of their allocations as ‘rebate money’”.


“The request was apparently because the role of the representatives played in helping the association obtain state allocations” – Sunday Star, 12th February 2012.


Like I have written before, they are all cut from the same cloth!!!


PKR is basically ex-UMNO guys who decided to turn their backs against UMNO and now giving their “backs” to another ex-UMNO disgraced and immoral leader!!!


And in Shah Alam, shortage of chickens at a KFC outlet that led to a bust-up between a KFC employee and a customer has been made into a racial thing by some irresponsible people!!! Grow up people!!! It’s about chicken, not about race!!!


“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” -  Arnold H. Glasgow


“In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders.” – Jay Leno


“Erotica is using a feather, pornography is using the whole chicken.” - Isabel Allende


KFC Malaysia has expressed deep regrets over the assault, and has suspended the worker involved.


And in Perth, the Empress Dowager has been conferred the Honorary Doctor of Letters degree by Curtin University! Shouldn’t they have given the Doctor of Shopping instead???


And by the way, she is technically correct when she said that she did not spend any money in that boutique in Australia. Apparently some rich kid from the “Succesful” Group paid for all the items! Why didn’t you say so, Your Highest Esteemed Majesty???


On the corporate front, another company is mulling over plans to relist its property arm. IOI Corp Berhad, one of the largest plantation group is thinking about unlocking values from its property business. That would mean IOI Corp will be a plantation “pure play”. Which I think is good, as then investors will be able to see how good it is as a pure plantation stock.


And Bursa will soon introduce “high frequency trading” for equities. Currently HFT is only available for the derivatives market. It will definitely boost liquidity. I was heading the implementation of the trading platform that could cater to such trading. Of course I never got to see the new trading platform launched as I got tired of the cost overruns and left way before the system was launched 3 years late!


In my commentaries for this week (already up on the site), I commented on the plans by Khazanah and PNB to divest non-core businesses within their stables. This is probably the most hard hitting commentary I have ever written. Some will probably accuse me for being “sour grape” (as it touched on the privatization of VADS more than 2 years ago). I don’t give a shit!!!


Have a great and productive week!



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